I have reached that stereotypical point in my life where I begin to question religion. I guess in a way I should be thankful, because it must be better than blindly accepting. However, I am not so sure.
Does it feel good when you feel lost? no.
It doesnt feel good to doubt something you have always had faith in, or to know God exists but question his purpose in organized religion.
-- Now before i go any further I will say that I do attribute certain characteristics to God as I believe that he exists. Some of these being love, selflessness, forgiveness, caring, understanding...The catch is that these are my own assumptions of God, with some basis in the stories from the bible as well as images that CCE and my parents have shown me. Everyone must have their own ideas about what God is life, what he "should" be like. WIth the different personalities given to God, it makes sense that people would think to worship God in different ways.
That being said, I will be the first to say that I dont know the Catholic religion as well as I should. But being raised Catholic I am attached to the traditions of the church. Yes, I have always had some issues with certain teachings of the Catholic church, but recently i have become overwhelmed with the feeling that the church and other religions make a mockery of the true intent of God. That leaves me feeling lost, on the one hand not wanting to abandon the church of my childhood, but on the other, wanting to be content with my beliefs and following of God.
What do I do at this point? hm...well like in the movies (where my only experience with this lies) I made an appointment to go and see the priest of my church. The end result of the meeting was total disatisfaction and frustration. He didn't help me. I take some of the blame because I went in their feeling lost without a true purpose other than to find guidance. But he really didnt answer my questions and was very matter of fact. This didnt sit well with me because I am driven by my emotions a lot when it comes to my perception of God (as with many other things). And when I left the rectory I felt even more lost than when I walked in.
So where does that leave me? I have been to other Christian churches and I havent been very comfortable in them because I am attached to the traditional ways of the Catholic church. But, isn't there something wrong with other Christian "factions" as well?
Can I have faith without religion? Is that possible? Am I damned to eternity if I am not Catholic or whatnot?
Solution: I could create my own faction of organized religion that fits my needs like everyone else has done and then I will be happy. I will inflict my religion onto everyone else, throwing out threats of damnation to all those who dont follow my teachings, oops, I meant my churches teachings. And of course, my teachings have stemmed from my own individual interpretation of the bible, because if I had formed a committee to decide on my church's teaching, we wouldnt have been able to come to the same interpretation, and that would have led to unrest in my church, and I dont want that.
I apologize if this is a bit negative, but I am lost, I am without a home so to say, and I dont enjoy it. Where do I go from here? Where does anyone who reaches this point in their life go? Sometimes I wish I didnt question. but then i realize that if I didnt question I wouldnt be me, wouldnt be the individual God made me to become.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
The Jesus depicted in the four Biblical gospels doesn't much care for organized religion. He never encourages his followers to trust in religious leaders — not once — and he reserves his most scathing attacks for those charged by the culture with leading souls to righteous living (Pharisees, chief priests, scribes). Instead, Jesus consistently puts the onus on the individual, insisting on an active, intellectual engagement with life and law. Consider the parable of the Good Samarittan — which has been so often told as to lose force. An injured man, desperately needing help, is avoided first by a priest, then by a Levite (also a religious leader). The priest, in fact, goes out of his way to cross to the other side so he won't come in contact with the injured. Why would these two men, of all people, fail to assist someone so clearly in need. Answer? Because the law tells them to. The two are merely practicing the Jewish code of ritual purity, which demands that no one go near a dead man since he is unclean. (It's worth noting that Jesus describes the man only as half-dead, but the two priests are so fearful of breaking the law, they don't dare approach him.) The third man, the Samaritan, follows his heart and tends to the man. He's not Jewish, and he doesn't follow codes of ritual purity. He just does what he knows in his heart is right, and Jesus singles him out for praise — declaring that it is he who has acted in accordance with God's law.
You will know the truth, Jesus seems to be saying, not because your leaders tell you so, but because your heart attests to it. He demands that we consider our relationship to the law — to doctrine, to dogma, to customs — if we are to live a life of righteousness. The irony of the Good Samaritan, of course, is that the priests who live their lives following the laws religiously — so that they might enjoy the kingdom Jesus speaks of — are, in fact, the very souls left out of the kingdom.
The purpose of organized religion should be to nudge us into consideration — not to load us down with doctrine, as if the key to salvation is in adhering to a set of predetermined rules that, if you're Catholic, can seem both silly (don't eat meat on Friday) and/or unsettling (don't use birth control). Throughout the gospels, Jesus demands that his followers wrestle with difficult problems by intentionally telling stories that challenge his audience's perception of things. "Who among you," he says, "wouldn't leave 99 sheep to look for one that's lost?" Answer? None of them. That would be insanity for someone making their livelihood herding sheep. You'd never risk 99 to save one. But that very twist in the story compels someone to listen — just as the Good Samaritan parable challenges a Jewish audience, since it is the Samaritan — a despised ethnic outcast — who is upheld by Jesus while two Jewish leaders are judged unworthy of the kingdom. It was as if Jesus knew that his stories would be so troubling, so difficult to accept, that people would need to talk with each other about them — arriving, he hoped, at the truth both as individuals and as a community.
So your organized religion should be that which nudges you — but I wouldn't be stressed that you haven't found the one that speaks to your heart. As you suggest, you *are* your own organized religion, and, according to the Jesus of the gospels, that's just fine. Strive for righteousness, and if religious leaders can help in your quest, by all means listen to them for guidance. But don't mistake their words for the truth; you need to figure that out for yourself.
I grew up Catholic, considered the priesthood, and am now, apparently, a Liberal Quaker. That's what the test says, anyway. You should take it. Go to "www. selectsmart.com," then to "Belief System Selectors," then "Religion Selector." Consider the questions — be sure to indicate the priority you place on each — then you'll find out which religion you should be (along with detailed descriptions of each faith). You'll likely be surprised. Of course, the test doesn't work unless you're able to answer sincerely (as opposed to answering the way you've been conditioned to think). Good luck.
Post a Comment