Dear relationships:

Well, hello blog. It has been a while.  I believe that you are evidence at my inability to sustain too many relationships at once. I think that I am at a loss. At a loss with myself to be exact. I can maintain and develop some relationships, even new ones, but can't seem to stretch beyond a few. Why is that? I think perhaps...part avoidance, anger, disappointment, fear, stress, overwhelming feelings...who knows. I think there is a definite part of my that still feels like a victim. A survivor but still a victim.

Does this feeling fade with time? Let me just throw that question out into the unidentified expansive universe.

I can't talk but then feel sad that no one listens.  See any irony in that? And if I chose to talk, it is like the same thing over and over because it isn't settled, it isn't resolved, it isn't forgotten.

The solution: Time. I hope.

Even now I write without hope that anyone would listen.
Close friends, I can't reach out in real life, but here:
I miss you. But I am scared. I am scared of responsibility. I am scared of remembering. I am scared of not being able to be a friend.

Family, I am scared and tired. I just want to be forgiven and given some leeway. I love you all. very much. i just have a blockage. I don't know why. or maybe I do.

The title of this blog is unfinished business....how appropriate.