Friday, July 18, 2014
Dear relationships:
Well, hello blog. It has been a while. I believe that you are evidence at my inability to sustain too many relationships at once. I think that I am at a loss. At a loss with myself to be exact. I can maintain and develop some relationships, even new ones, but can't seem to stretch beyond a few. Why is that? I think perhaps...part avoidance, anger, disappointment, fear, stress, overwhelming feelings...who knows. I think there is a definite part of my that still feels like a victim. A survivor but still a victim.
Does this feeling fade with time? Let me just throw that question out into the unidentified expansive universe.
I can't talk but then feel sad that no one listens. See any irony in that? And if I chose to talk, it is like the same thing over and over because it isn't settled, it isn't resolved, it isn't forgotten.
The solution: Time. I hope.
Even now I write without hope that anyone would listen.
Close friends, I can't reach out in real life, but here:
I miss you. But I am scared. I am scared of responsibility. I am scared of remembering. I am scared of not being able to be a friend.
Family, I am scared and tired. I just want to be forgiven and given some leeway. I love you all. very much. i just have a blockage. I don't know why. or maybe I do.
The title of this blog is unfinished business....how appropriate.
Does this feeling fade with time? Let me just throw that question out into the unidentified expansive universe.
I can't talk but then feel sad that no one listens. See any irony in that? And if I chose to talk, it is like the same thing over and over because it isn't settled, it isn't resolved, it isn't forgotten.
The solution: Time. I hope.
Even now I write without hope that anyone would listen.
Close friends, I can't reach out in real life, but here:
I miss you. But I am scared. I am scared of responsibility. I am scared of remembering. I am scared of not being able to be a friend.
Family, I am scared and tired. I just want to be forgiven and given some leeway. I love you all. very much. i just have a blockage. I don't know why. or maybe I do.
The title of this blog is unfinished business....how appropriate.
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